Goodbyes Shouldn't Hurt
by yuugiri
Summary: But they do, dont they? Just something that I felt like writing. For the first time I didn't write a one shot comedy. No flames pls... KiraXLacus


**_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED_**.

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Whenever we face separation, what is it that we really feel? Why do we feel sad? Why do we cry? Why do we find ourselves curled up in a corner of our bed for hours each night and torment ourselves with thoughts of the person who had said goodbye to us, when we know perfectly well that it would only make us feel worse?

Is it merely sadness?

Or perhaps, it is… fear?

The heart is such a forgetful part of the human body. Although it does not necessarily doubt – for love is always trustful – it always wants a constant reminder that it is loved, and that another heart beats for it even if it is far away. It always seems to yearn for assurance, that it is not loving in vain. Perhaps it is afraid that the distance will change the feelings of the other? Maybe so…

My heart is aching… I miss him terribly…

For the past six weeks, I would find myself sitting on the wicker chair situated in the garden where I sit now, looking up into the night sky, waiting for a shooting star I could wish on for his return. I would spend hours and hours each evening writing his name by tracing the stars, and wishing and praying that he would come back to me. I lay awake in bed each night and wonder why God was not answering my prayers, and sometimes dreading that he already has and had decided to keep him away from me for some unknown reason I cannot understand.

After the day of the cease-fire, Kira had stayed with me in the orphanage with Reverend Malchio for about a week. It had been the happiest days of my life, thinking that everything was finally over, and I can finally rest and not think about anything of great consequence. Until that day when I saw him staring blankly at the night sky, and I approached him.

He had given me that deadpanned look he had always had, lavender eyes pale under the moonlight, and in four words, he had shattered my very soul.

"_I have to leave…"_

I didn't have to ask why he wanted to leave. Somehow I knew, that after all he's been through, he needed to find himself… Yet even without my asking, he had wanted to explain. I wish he hadn't. If anything, it hurt me even more.

"_There are so many things I need to find the answers to. Feelings I need to sort out. People I have to come back to. I can't stay here without finding out many things about me. I am not asking you to wait. I don't know when I will be back."_

The rejection was not new. He had rejected me many times before. And despite this, or maybe because of it, I loved him even more. I knew his heart belonged to someone else, a memory of a dead girl, but I didn't care. Or maybe I did, but I decided to ignore that fact. I was alive, and so was he. I knew that it was selfish to say, yet deep down inside, I know no one else can make him happy but me. I have seen him cry before, so many times, and it hurt so much, the desire for me to reach out and touch him, make the tears go away. He was such a sad boy. And I so _longed _to make him happy.

And make him happy, I shall. Though the task would have been easier if he was here.

The day he left, I was engulfed by a depression not even my friends were able to snap me out of. I had found solace in crying, worrying where he might be, if he was safe or not, if he was thinking about me. Cagalli and Athrun would come over once in a while to visit me, but I would end up putting up a mask for them to stop worrying, and would end up crying even more when they leave. News from the PLANTs had kept me well occupied during the day, yet night times were reserved from more tears for me.

Six weeks. They seemed like six eternities.

As I looked up into the sky once more, I sighed. It surprised me immensely when I discovered tears trickling down my face once more. I didn't even notice them until my neck was completely wet. It was as if crying had been a routine everyday. Each passing day, I felt like I have completely lost him…

But it was only then did I suddenly realize, for the first time in six weeks, that I was being stupid. How can I lose anything that was never mine to begin with?

The thought made my heart lurch violently. He was never mine, and yet I am crying everyday for him. He was never mine, but I am worrying he might never come back to me. He was never mine… yet I wish he were…

Shaking my head, I wiped at my cheeks and moved to stand, ready to go back into the orphanage. As I turned to walk back inside, I was immediately surprised to see someone moving towards me from the house. A silhouette whose face was barely seen under the blanket of stars from above.

Yet I didn't have to see him to know who he was.

My heart already knew.

His voice, when he spoke, made me want to pinch myself to make sure I was not dreaming.

"I'm home…"

I could not believe it. I was supposed to be happy, and here I am, crying more! My throat was so tight when I uttered the words that first popped into my head. "Welcome home, Kira…"

And we did not move. We merely stood there, watching each other in the darkness. I didn't know how long we simply looked at the other… But right now I didn't care… For it was then did I suddenly start to value his goodbye, when at long last he finally said hello…

"Did you find what you were looking for?" I asked.

I saw his shadowy figure shrug. I watched as he move a step closer towards me and at last I saw his face in the dim light of the stars. I was shocked to see that he, Kira Yamato, was smiling, lavender eyes peering down at me as he touched my face.

"I just have… "

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_**Yuugiri: LOL! Not a really happy thing, is it? I just felt like writing it… Has nothing to do with TIH at all. Just some drabbles. **_

_**I am finally getting back on track. And I have already started with the next chappie of my pet project! Yipee! Thank you once again for the support and for the e-mails you have sent, as well as the overwhelming number of reviews on TIH. I will try not to disappoint you.**_


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